


fret not.

by GalacticGoldfish



Series: lovers destiny [3]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing, M/M, PLEASE DO NOT THINK THIS IS A KINK FIC, Panic Attacks, THIS IS NOT A KINK FIC, Weight Issues, body image issues, body issues, boys being soft, chubby dandelion, chubby jaskier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticGoldfish/pseuds/GalacticGoldfish
Summary: just a short little vent fic about jaskier having abandonment and body issues!geralt comes back after the snow has begun to melt and jaskier panics because hes gotten chunky due to good food and good living. worried geralt wont want him because he's changed he goes to a slightly drastic solution.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: lovers destiny [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642645
Comments: 6
Kudos: 192





	fret not.

Winter had been kind to Jaskier these year as he'd been lucky enough to secure himself a spot at court fort he cold months. Plenty off food to go around and a warm bed to collapse into. Sometimes with others and sometimes alone. And all he had to do was a few nights sing his pretty little head off. Something he had done for less than that for sure. With rumors that the snow was melting in the mountains it meant that a certain witcher would be heading north now probably as well. Nervously he brushed down his jacket once more. Acutely aware of the fact that it fit a little bit tighter. It was a new one, bigger than his old ones of course because who didn't get new clothes when the seasons changed. But yet it was still a little bit tight.

It wasn't that he hated putting on weight. If anything it made him feel like a prince. Being able to eat enough to pack on a little bit of weight was always a good thing. But at the same time he hated when any part of him changed. Whether it was his hair being cut a certain way or a blemish on his skin he hated when he looked differently from when Geralt last left him. Though he was much more secure in their relationship now with one another his body had changed... Which meant as always he was afraid that the witcher's opinion of him would change. He let out a shaky breath as he tried to make himself look... Smaller somehow. His face was rounder and there was nothing he could really do about that. 

But the waist cinch on his stomach did the trick a little bit. He hated it but at least, for now, he could greet Geralt as he was. And deal with the fact of him finding out later on. He wanted to pull it even tighter though now that he thought about it. Any tighter though and he might find himself unable to breath entirely. It wasn't his first go around with this sort of item and he knew his limits. He wouldn't be singing any long winded ballads tonight that was for sure. Beauty was pain at times and right now all he could think about was the fact that soon Geralt and whatever number of Roach this would be could soon be at the door. 

It was only a few hours later that he was roused from his preening to be told that dinner was ready. Eating would be a chore with this terrible device on but he would make it work for sure. He always found a way to make things work. Nervously he kept touching his face so that somehow it would make it look thinner again. His arms feeling very large all of a sudden and his body heavy. The sense of dread that came over him was eclipsed only by the joy of seeing Geralt's face once more. The witcher looked a little worse for wear but that was how he tended to be when he came back from the road. 

As badly as he wanted to be held by him though he kept his distance, afraid that if Geralt touched him he might figure out the rouse early and decide it wasn't worth his time. All things that he knew in his heart of hearts was not true. But yet the anxiety in his mind would not stop pumping the thoughts forward more and more. They weren't seated near each other during the banquet. Something Jaskier was grateful for because he felt as though he was sweating bullets. It hurt to move at times. Picking at his food he focused instead on conversation. 

Feeling Geralt's eyes on him the entire time and being unable to pass up the chance to smile at him. Receiving back a wink in turn. It made his heart flutter but his stomach churn slightly. Geralt had missed him it seemed. Jaskier had also missed the witcher. The way his hands felt and how warm it was when they held one another. The way his lips tasted even when they had been on the road for days eating nothing but what they could forage from the world itself. So badly he wanted to forget the feast and make his way back to his rooms, knowing that Geralt would follow behind. If only just for them to finally have a moment alone after months of waiting.

But fear and then obligation stopped him soon after. His most gracious host thought of course it was only fitting that their bard sang for the evening. After all they had a guest. It was only proper. Jaskier stood carefully. His breathing slightly short as he made his way round to where his proper place to stand was. So badly he wanted to sing of love and his lover returning but instead he found himself drawing blank as his breaths drew a bit short. He couldn't tell if it was because of the wrap or because he was beginning to spiral into a panic. He only vaguely heard Geralt shout his name as the room began to spin and he began to fall to the floor. 

He wasn't out for long, maybe a few seconds at the most. But Geralt had already lifted him and was carrying him towards his room. Slowly he began to struggle. To try and get Geralt to put him down. If he carried him like this then he would find out his secret so much faster than he wanted him to. The things he was trying to hide. Surely he was much heavier in Geralt's arms than he had been before. Surely the witcher noticed that sort of thing. But his grip tightened as Jaskier struggled.

**"I can walk! I can walk"**

Yet he still sounded slightly out of breath. Normally he loved being in Geralt's arms like this but all he wanted was to pull his body away from him. He needed Geralt to stop touching him. He needed to get away. Far away. Rethink how he was going to deal with this entire thing. His heart couldn't bare abandonment today. He thought he would have more time. Any sort of time. To come up with some excuse or some way to convince Geralt not to leave him once he saw his body like this. Though surely he had already noticed the fact that his face was fatter than before. He had been mocking him with the wink. He knew it. There was no way their relationship would last the night if Geralt saw him as he was.

**"You passed out Jaskier. You need to lay down at the very least."**

**"I just need a moment to rest I'll be fine."**

**"You might be ill."**

**"I promise you I'm fine!"**

But he knew that Geralt didn't by it for a moment as he gently kicked open the door to his rooms. Setting the bard down on the bed he looked more worried than ever. After all he had left him here so that he would be safe and sound from the road for the winter months. He had a large job to do down south and Jaskier had been offered a position here to entertain for the winter. It was good money for the both of them and it was money they could use when they traveled together. He felt Geralt's cool hand on his forehead as it brushed his hair back.

It was so good to be close to him once more. So good to finally see his face again. He wanted to grab him to pull him close. But he was afraid. So afraid of being touched right now.

**"You need a doctor."**

**"I don't."**

**"You're sick."**

**"I'm not."**

Taking as deep of a breath as he could manage Jaskier sat up from the bed and began to undress from the waist up. Knowing that every moment he kept at this charade he was hurting himself and causing Geralt more anguish than was necessary. If Geralt was going to leave him over this then they might as well get it done and over with now. It took him a moment to get his jacket and shirt off as Geralt watched him in confusion. The Witcher expecting some great wound or issue when Jaskier finally got to the bottom layer. 

But no instead there was the tightly bound fabric around his stomach and chest that had been attempting to keep him looking smaller. As Jaskier finally released it he felt part of the pressure that was making him unable to breath release. His eyes closed in relief as he leaned back and the fabric fell to the side of him. No longer restricting the body fat he'd gained over the winter months. He expected to see a look of disgust on Geralt's face when he opened his eyes once more. But instead was met with a look of confusion and concern as the man touched his stomach gently.

**"Did someone say something to you?"**

**"What?"**

**"Did someone insult you in some way? I know you're vain but this is too far."**

**"What. I'm not vain!"**

As soon as the words were out of his mouth both of them stopped and looked at one another. Knowing that Jaskier was extremely vain and that his appearance mattered a great deal to him. But no, that wasn't why he had done this. Jaskier wasn't really sure where to start with all of this but he knew that he needed to at least try and explain himself. Especially since they'd promised to try and communicate a little bit more. It was something that had nearly ended their relationship before it began and it was a promise he intended to keep.

**"I feared you would come back and find me changed and... Perhaps you would change your mind about us."**

It sounded foolish now that he said it out loud. It sounded like he was a complete and utter fool to hear those words said to Geralt's face. Especially when hurt flashed momentarily over the witcher's face. An emotion used very rarely that openly. Even if it was only for a moment. All of this had been stupid as hell but yet he hadn't been able to see that while he was doing it.

**"I come to you with a new scar on my body every time we part and you've never shied away from it."**

Geralt cupped his cheek and gently kissed him. A kiss that probably would have led to much more interesting activities if the moment wasn't so serious.

**"You've gained some weight? So that means you're well fed. You're happy. It means you're not scraping to survive. It's something I'm glad that I could greet you as. Seeing you well cared for my bard makes me happier than you know. I love when you're happy Jaskier."**

Jaskier's eyes began to tear up. From exhaustion from the worry and from relief at being told that it was alright that he changed. That it was alright and that he was still loved by Geralt. There were things in life that he couldn't control. His body being one of them. That thought drove him mad thinking that it could potentially drive people away if he changed to much. But did it feel absolutely wonderful to know that in this moment at least he wasn't going to be abandoned. Kicking his boots off without much care Geralt crawled into the bed next to Jaskier. Throwing the shed clothes to the floor, especially the wrap, so that they wouldn't be in the way. 

**"I'm not going to abandon you because you change Jaskier, just as I wouldn't abandon you if you stayed the same forever. Humans change and I know that all too well. You're beautiful because you're Jaskier, not because of how trim or large you are whichever way you've grown or shrunk. You're beautiful because you're you. And I love you."**

Jaskier let out a breath he had been unintentionally holding and felt his entire being relax upon hearing that. It had been so long since he'd heard Geralt utter those words he felt as though he might melt because of it.

**"I love you too, dear heart."**

They cupped each other's cheeks once more and kissed. Neither of them wanting to break apart from the other as they finally enjoyed each other's company again. If he hadn't just passed out the next step would have been them removing each other's pants and moving forward with some sort of seduction. But right now Jaskier could feel his body failing him from the panicked exhaustion. He didn't want every time they went to have sex be because he started to have some sort of meltdown as well. It could wait until the morning after this night of just enjoying a well deserved rest in each other's arms.

Geralt pulled Jaskier close to him so that they could finally be close to one another. A few tears escaped as Jaskier came closer to him. It was a weight off of his heart and mind to hear Geralt call him beautiful no matter how he happened to look. He knew his doubts would never fully go away but the reassurance that came for now would keep his mind at ease until he needed it again. And he would most definitely need it again. With Jaskier pushing the witcher's shirt off so that they could be skin to skin. 

Even if they weren't going to be fucking just the act of being close like this was enough to make Jaskier happier than he had been in awhile. As fine as they were sleeping with other people he never felt quite as complete as he did when he was simply in Geralt's arms. That was the difference he supposed between lust and the love he felt for his long time companion. His tears didn't last as long as they normally did. They dried nearly as quickly as they started for a change as he settled comfortable into his witcher's arms. 

Jaskier felt his body relax as Geralt slowly ran his hand over the bard's side, simply looking upon him as if he was the only person in the world at the moment. His eyes watching him with an intensity that Jaskier had missed from the golden eyes. They were half closed, much like a content cat rather than the wolf Geralt claimed to be. Something that let the bard know that Geralt was also relaxing in this moment. Finally Jaskier felt secure in his body once more. His fears starting to dissolve like the snow outside. 

**"Jaskier, promise me something?"**

**"Hmmm?"**

**"Don't ever hurt yourself for the sake of me again. If you have doubts then bring them to me before harming yourself over something that will nearly kill you."**

**"Another lecture about talking things out from you? The man who crossed the land to avoid a conversation with a sorceress?"**

**"We aren't talking about me we're talking about you right now."**

**"Well, that is my favorite subject."**

Jaskier leaned in and gently kissed Geralt. Enjoying everything about the moment. Now that he was no longer afraid his mood was lifting again. His desire to tease Geralt rising all the same as well. 

**"But, I suppose that's a promise I can make so long as you realize that it's only in relation to dangerous beauty routines. I won't promise it for any other matter."**

**"I can begrudgingly accept that. For now. So long as we burn that wretched thing in the morning."**

**"Agreed."**


End file.
